Immature, late bloomer, loud, obnoxious, impulsive, overweight... I grew up with these labels. As an adult I am scared of what others think of me. First impressions terrify me; they matter a lot to humans. I prefer sitting at home and being with my family, mostly because I love spending time with my family, also because social situations give me anxiety. I hate small talk. I fail at it every time. Unless I am talking to a person that is great at carrying conversation, the chatting dies fairly quickly.
A lot of my friends have told me that when they first met me they thought I was full of myself. I am very talkative and animated when I am in a familiar crowd, but stick in a stranger and my lips are sealed. Many perceive this as me thinking that I am too good for them, when in reality I am terrified of what they might think of me.
I am fully aware that this is something I need to work on. I am missing out on a lot of great relationships because of my self-consciousness. I am making progress though. Little by little, I am accepting myself for who I am. It helps that I have a great husband. Mister hates it when I put myself down. It has made me really think about what I say. My friends help me too. It helps to know that people like me for who I am. I like being surrounded by people who know my weaknesses and love me anyway - there is nothing my empowering.
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